Saturday, 3 December 2011

Anyone read these?

This is my first update on here since I've returned from my personal travels to the USA. I don't think anyone reads these any way, but I think it's good to put certain things down for future reference - like when I wake up tomorrow completely sober I'll be like "when the hell did I write this?!?!". Keeps things interesting. So since my return I've done a few reviews and to my delight the subcriber number on Youtube is well over 4,200 now! Amazing. Should be more though, oh yes, so get telling your friends about Shitcase Cinema, Goddamnit! If I become famous I'll buy the first 4,200 people a nice present in the future.
A couple of weeks back I reviewed 1997's action flick Face/Off. Now when I was working on it I was thinking what I was doing was pretty good and I was really pleased with the overall review come the end. Going by a few comments once I'd uploaded it, people were moaning at me for slagging it off. I really wish people would realise what I do/say isn't 100% truth, it's mostly sarcastic and tongue in cheek, although I guess because I'm like this most of the time in real life (out of the Shitcase version of myself) people sometimes take things the wrong way. Shit happens. I enjoyed the review I did, and if I enjoy it, that's all that matters. If anyone else out there enjoys what I do, brilliant.
I'd like to do a shout out to the fans on the Facebook group. As I type this there's over 650 people on there, which isn't that many, and there's even less who probably make the effort to read anything on there and I know for a fact there's way less who go to the lengths of posting comments, so I'd like to praise those handful of regular people who are on there several times a week at least talking about shit films, asking me questions and spreading the love of Shitcase Cinema in general. I salute you. You know who you all are.
I have a really bad film in store for people next week, and as an exclusive for people who can be arsed reading this blog, it is: Revenge Of The Swamp Creature! It's so bad it's hilarious, I enjoyed reviewing it, it's already done and in the can ready for upload, I'm thinking of filming something to put at the end but it depends on what I can think up and if it'll be amusing. For example, for the Face/Off review, myself and Professor Bruce filmed some footage which consisted of myself snorting cocaine (was only flour) and Bruce throwing the DVD of the film across the room in disgust. When it came to editing the footage we'd filmed it didn't flow right nor make much sense. As a result I sadly decided to leave the footage out of the final video, which pissed me off as I'd been throwing flour all over my face! What a waste.
I'd like to take this early opportunity to wish everyone a very merry Christmas and Happy New Year. There will be new reviews between now and the new year but it's best to get this crap out of the way. Zardoz commands it. Do you know something, as a New Years resolution PLEASE send the Shitcase Cinema review of ZARDOZ to at least one person you know and tell them to watch it and watch more Shitcase Cinema stuff. The channel only increases via word of mouth, which I love and I thank everyone so far from the bottom of my heart, it means a lot, but I feel things can only go on and on. I'll buy you all a nice present in the future...or just put the drinks on Professor Bruce's bar tab should we arrange a gathering hahaha!
So my thanks to everyone who takes the time to watch Shitcase Cinema videos, I really do appreciate it and enjoy reading all comments and scary fan obsessed messages on a daily basis. Cheers.
John 3rd December 2011.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Last update for a while...

I can't say this is the last blog for a while because I hardly do them anyway. Hmmm, it's so strange. Any way, here's hoping you're all slow readers and it will take you three months to read this, by which time I will be more or less back home and ready to take on more shitty movies to review. Wow.
So, let's play catch-up on recent reviews. Ooo Killjoy. Shall I go there again? Ah, why not. That film is absolutely shocking but I had a good laugh watching it because it's so bad it has to be seen. Or you could just keep re-watching my review and you know, tell your friends to watch it too. Go on, be a good person.
I finally got around to completing that Cyborg Cop trilogy. Zardoz gave me the strength to manage it and so wearing a bumbag (or fanny pack haha!) I got through all three movies without too much pain. I enjoyed reviewing them, good chuckle.
Done other random stuff like Manos (Jesus Christ!, Manos is not Jesus Christ, you must understand), Arachnophobia and Prince of Darkness. See, the weird thing is, some people message me asking me to review "more up to date film" or "good films". Why? OK, so I decided to do Arachnophobia, which is fairly new compared to most stuff I review and a pretty good movie. What happens? Some people moan saying I should stick to crappy older films because my reviews are funnier of those. Thanks very much, guess I can't please everyone but oh well.
Funnily enough when I did Manos a few people said don't review films this old. Man alive, what are you people wanting from me?! I'm glad I'm taking a break now!!
Hope you enjoyed Cliffhanger as a send off. I was struggling before the general Saturday release date for my reviews and I had no idea of what to comment on in the film or whatever else. I pretty much made a few notes to myself and then went with the flow, so something like the comment on Hal being a gay rapist wanting to take the young climbers to his rape dungeon just came out of nowhere. I thought that was hilarious but nobody else seems to think so. The Lego Man ending was done first so I had to then actually review the film itself. As long as I can chuckle that's all I'm bothered about. Thanks to everyone who does watch and leave nice positive remarks - yes, over 3000 of you know, the legend of Shitcase Cinema keeps on spreading! I guess this is a good thing. The world will be set to rights once Shitcase Cinema becomes the #1 show in the world and I become rich and famous. Oh yes, it will happen, oh yes. Maybe. Doubtful. One can dream I guess.
So, that's it from me. Stay out of trouble (maybe just stay in doors and watch shitty films?), eat your greens, spread the word, worship Zardoz and all other Shitcase Legends and I'll be back.
John 26th July 2011.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

It's been a while...

I just realised it's over 3 months since I did a blog here for Shitcase Cinema. Or a diary. Or update. Or whatever the hell you want to call it. I don't think many read these blogs (or diary updates!) cos let's face it, there's these amazing videos out there of movie reviews on a Youtube channel called Shitcase Cinema. This is true, go watch a few after you've finished reading this!
Last week I didn't upload a video. The reason? Zardoz wouldn't allow it. He came floating through the sky and told me that because I was so great and did new videos every Saturday to entertain people that I could take a short break. Thanks Zardoz! The fact that I couldn't be bothered had nothing to do with this.
So what shitty films has everyone seen lately? I've seen a fair few since the December update (or blog!) I did, and I've even reviewed a couple of those such as Camp Blood 2, Cyborg Cop and Fortress 2. Camp blood 2 cost me 19p on DVD, which I couldn't believe so I naturally had to buy it for a good old laugh and man, I certainly laughed. You can too if you watch this video:
Oh and how the hell can I forget Death Wish 3? This movie has to be seen I swear, it's the only movie where you'll see an OAP running around with endless weapons and blowing about 200 guys away. Charles Bronson we saulte you. This review also could do with saluting, it's very entertaining if I do say so myself:
Thanks to the ever-growing list of subscribers who send in lovely messages and film requests. It puzzles me sometimes how people from all over the world love watching the videos that I do for a laugh and tune in every weekend religiously but none of my family or friends watch them unless I ask them to a few hundred times. It's about as weird as re-watching Grim Weekend on DVD despite knowing it's utter crap - yes, I watched it again yesterday for a laugh, I should have just stuck to this 10 minute review instead, I'm sure you'll agree:
As always as a little thanks for reading stuff on here, I'll give you a small exclusive heads up - the next review will be the sequel to that mundane mess called Cyborg Cop. Sadly there's John Rhys-Davies in there calling everybody lad, but I'm sure you'll get over that fact.
Oh, and I hope you've all been working on your impressions of Warwick from The Graveyard Shift from the last review! All the best!