Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Hey, remember me? No? YOU GOON!

Hello. Johnny Shitcase here. Obviously. I'm the only one who writes these awesome blog updates so who else would you expect? I'm sorry to say this is the first blog update in over a full year but I've not received any demands for a new one so I don't feel too bad. I'll get over it. I hope you will too, in time.

So what can I tell you that's gone on in the past year in the Shitcase Cinema universe? Lots, but I'll just mention a few bits and bobs as I'm too lazy to write a long essay – you have to think on, I've not written an update for over a year so I'm very rusty. I could have asked Professor Bruce.... nah, I shouldn't make silly jokes like that.

Right, well, who watched some of the most recent reviews like Battle Rats, Sharknado and Death Run? I'm sure you all watched them being the loveable hard core fan-base that you are. I haven't seen any of them, like most of my friends and family, but I hear they're pretty darn brilliant. Seriously though (for once) I have to say some of the most recent reviews are some of my favourites in the past 7 years I've reviewed films for Shitcase Cinema. I know that sounds like the obvious thing to say, praising your latest work, but I really believe this.
From the Battle Rats review. The blood stained my face!
When watching such TERRIBLE movies it gives you a lot of ammunition against them but then do I really need the assistance? Some fans claim I am one of the 'funniest fuckers around' so go figure. Death Run is easily one of the worst pieces of garbage I have ever witnessed yet at the same time I laughed my arse off and had great fun with it. Does this mean I like it on some level to provide me with some entertainment value? Of course it does. It's total shite but it's amusing. These are the best kind of bad films, I've been very vocal of this in the past – accidentally bad and funny.

Recently I've been uploading photos and videos which are exclusive to the Facebook page. I don't know how many views they each get – actually that's a lie, as it tells me exactly how many people they've reached yet they only get a handful of likes and even less comments. It's a bit frustrating but then not everybody reads everything they see on Facebook feeds, I'm no different myself. I'll keep on uploading bits and bobs, some of it new material and some of it old that's never been seen before.

February saw Shitcase Cinema turn 7 years old. That is more supreme than an ultimate ninja if you ask me. I love the fact there are still two or three fans still sticking by from those early days and for that I thank you, you know who you are. Many of you have been fans for perhaps 4 or 5 years which is, again, amazing. You may be a new follower, having just found this blog update randomly in the interwebs and wondering just what the hell this is. Who knows (a quote from the Death Run review, just a pointless fact for you). Many fans have disappeared over the years, I don't know the reasons why but whatever. Zardoz has a grand plan in store for Shitcase Cinema, I'm sure of this.

Apparently a fan saw Professor Bruce in the flesh recently but didn't approach him. If any of you happen to see me out and about do stop me to say howdy doody, I won't charge you much for taking up my time. Maybe I'll even give you Bruce's mobile number so you can prank him and wind him up as I never see the old bean these days much so don't get the opportunity to annoy him like I used to do. Speaking of, I have a video of compilation clips of 'Bruce abuse' from over a few years of Shitcase Cinema 'meetings' which I will upload at some point soon on the Facebook page.

Wow, let's shoot back to 6 months ago when it was just after Christmas 2014 and we conducted a drunken live 'Shitcast' video.
Drunk and trying to do a live video chat.
Only a few people tuned in live, which is probably a good thing, but the full video is on Youtube to painfully watch. We did a take before but one thing led to another, it didn't seem to be working out and I walked off in a strop. Several people saw this live and thought it was amusing. I have video footage of this. Anyone want to see it? Didn't think so. So yeah, that was an experience. I think it started off well but the final 10 minutes petered away to drunken nothingness but who cares? It was a fun special video that only the dedicated fans will appreciate. Perhaps. It's there if anyone ever wants to watch it. I like to have as much video footage as possible whether it be for reviews, skits, behind the scenes or random crap. This goes for life outside of Shitcase Cinema too but please don't ask to see any of our old 'films' we've done like (Sh)It because it isn't happening. Maybe I'll upload bits though with new interview sections of us talking about how embarrassed we are now and how brain dead we were back then. Maybe.

The other week I uploaded a Q&A video with many, many questions from fans. Took a long time to edit that beast together. Had fun answering them, hope you enjoyed the answers. Maybe you just thought they were average? Maybe it needed more Bruce? Stop whining, I got a small cameo in there from Caveman Wayne, that took some work I'll have you know! Even a legend like myself struggles to organise a 2 minute video featuring myself, Bruce and Wayne. As for when a full feature length 'Interview with a Caveman 3' will happen, I can't say. If there is a demand for it I'll try harder than I am already doing but if fans aren't bothered than I can't be. I do silly videos like those to amuse people and of course present Wayne to the masses as he amuses me with his comments and views. I can happily keep him away from the camera and just laugh at him myself. Laughing is good for your health you know! Fact.

Oh yo, I know I made a post about this late last year when about 5 people replied, but I've been thinking about getting some new Shitcase Cinema t-shirts printed up and sold myself. The current online store is expensive and despite selling some stuff over the last 4 years on there or whatever it is, I've not seen a single penny. It would be amazing to say I've made a penny from my hobby and sell cheaper t-shirts than the online store, so if there is a significant demand (anywhere in the world, I'll send them wherever there are Shitcase fans) I'll get some printed up, alright? Good.

What am I working on currently aside from this blog update? Next years blog update, you have no idea how much work goes into preparing these beasts! Erm, movie review wise I have no idea. The reviews don't come as easily as they used to. Maybe this is a good thing? I know fans want more videos and I try my best but sometimes when I have the spare time I just want to chill.

Just a note on the Shitcase Facebook group – Group NOT page. Totally different. Long story. Maybe. Any way, I do check the stuff on there still as it always pops up in my news feed...in fact it's like 99% the only thing that pops in there! I don't look after it any more and haven't done for a while, there are a few people on there I trust to look after and respect it. I know a lot of stupid crap gets posted on there all too often like a thousand 'caption this' pictures or stuff that has no relation to films, entertainment or Shitcase Cinema in the slightest. This is the reason I stepped back from it as it was a pain in the arse and became too much to maintain alone. I post all official comments, opinions, photos and videos on the Page (not even 900 likes as of right now, I am pulling a very sad face right now).

So yeah, thanks for reading this now annual update. Maybe in 2016 I'll give you something to get excited about, but I think this is pretty cool bedtime reading, so turn off your computer or whatever and get some sleep. Shitcase Cinema will still be around in the morning and hopefully for a good few years more with your support. Thanks as always. Now go look for SUSAN, worship a giant floating stone head called ZARDOZ, battle some NINJAS while on a DEATH RUN in a KINGDOM OF GLADIATORS, while viewing a lovely SKYLINE all done on a Goddamn GRIM WEEKEND! Until next time... John, 30th June 2015


  1. Cheers for the update. Was a Shitcase Cinema fan for a long time (I think, like many others, I stumbled across you when I was enlightened to Zardoz for the first time and HAD to find a video review of it to confirm I wasn't dreaming), and started off a YouTube channel dedicated to wee clips from bad movies.

    Did that for a few years, but just kind of fell out of sorts with keeping up to date with Shitcase, and bad movies in general. Life commitments can be a pain.
    Anyway, I just recently rediscovered you lot after a related video for something I was watching appeared. Had a blast going through the archives and catching up with new reviews I hadn't seen and it revitalised my love for bad movies. Uploaded two clips to YouTube today for the first time in two years and it felt good.

    They were from a Godfrey Ho/Harrison masterpiece called The Power of Ninjitsu. If you ever plan to take on another one of those beasts in the future, I recommend this one. (Dickie loads one bullet into his revolver, and shoots three times. Must have been reading that ultimate ninjer manual on the loo beforehand...).

    Sorry for going on as long, but I'm pleased to have rediscovered Shitcase. And I'm now subscribed to the Facebook page that I didn't know existed until recently, so I was missing out on those exclusive updates.
    Would definitely buy one of these new Shitcase t-shirts you mentioned, and I went and followed Serpent Tongue-Ripper from Kingdom of Gladiators on Twitter after it was mentioned on the retrospective video, and he followed me back. Shitcase Legend.

    Cheers again!

  2. I've been keeping the shitcase spirit alive by watching shitty movies like boxing helena and jason goes to hell (laughable). As long as sc is still making video's i'll watch em (would love to see more godfrey ho and seagal stuff reviewed). Pce n <3